What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.