Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.