What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.