How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?