Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.