What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
In the eyes of the lawn.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Ants in your plants.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I’m rooting for you!
It’s party thyme.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
One trick peony.
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
I beg your garden?
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
Your good weed for the day.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
We’re mint to be.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Your good seed for the day.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
One more thyme.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!