Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook?
It was written in curse-ive.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Count Draculas.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Absolutely terrified!
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
- Better luck necks time!
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite food?
I-scream!
Come witch me to the party.
What did the ghost do at the red light? He came to a dead stop.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
What did Dr.Frankenstein say when his monster spat on him?
It’s saliva!
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What kind of hotdogs do ghouls like best?
Halloweiners!
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
Why wouldn’t the ghost eat liver? He didn’t have the stomach for it.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.