What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup?
Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
What do you call the first person to kill someone with a gun?
First person shooter
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
The bartender asked the pirate, "Is that a ship's wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The pirate replied"Aye! It's driving me nuts!"
What do you call a seamstress that snuck aboard a ship?
A sew-away!
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
You know what really floats my boat?
Surface tension.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
Where does Google keep their ships?
In the Google Docs.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I got fired from the bomb disposal squad
Too bad, I had a blast working there.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What kind of gun would a cat have?
A Mauser.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
What do you call an imaginary yacht?
A dream boat.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Did you hear about the boat dock that committed murder?
He’s going to be judged by a jury of its piers.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Who has the best place on a sailing ship?
The mast, because it has the pole-position.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
I’d like to buy a catamaran or a yacht.
I’d like to get the best of boat words.