What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
I couldn't chair less!
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
When I heard my sofa had been stolen, I thought “I’m not going to take this sitting down”.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
Why does a lawyer tuck a suitcase into bed?
To rest his case
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.