Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.