My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot