Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.