What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.