I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
"Say you'll be wine."
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
"No wine left behind."
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.